WHY DOES LIFE...

++ WHY DOES LIFE throw such obstacles and hurdles at us? Is it not enough to have to try to live your own life? It would seem that everything we do affects someone else whether mean for it to or not. Actions and words speak louder than we even know...sometimes it hurts...more than we even know.++

HAS IT REALLY BEEN THIS LONG?

++ HAS IT REALLY been this long since I last posted? hm. yeah i guess that sounds about right. and what did i post about last time? that's right. another year ... and another move. this one is however a move of a larger capacity, a larger magnitude if you will. i'll give you the whole story of the past eight months in one long run on sentance / paragraph. i moved from the cannery to the hawthorne school apartments where i reside with the same roommate that i had at the cannery however it was cheaper to live here and just as great (if not better) of a place so we moved here where i still ride my bike to work every morning and only drive my car to play soccer which has since moved from indoor three times a week to outdoor just one time a week which is a nice break from work which has been ridiculously fun, but at the same time consuming as we have a lot of work but not enough qualified people, not to say they aren't qualified to do what they do, because they do do what they do very well its just that they don't have as much experience as they would need to do what they do better or to do more than what they do now which is fine because that creates more work for me which is also fine except that i've been involved with several professional organizations which take up the rest of my time after work but thats fine also because its nice to be busy, however it looks like, no wait, i'm positive i'm going to have a mini vacation in the form of driving across country (yet again) because as of yesterday i put in my notice to leave my present job because the day before that i accepted a job in seattle, washington, so as of june 22 i will be temporarily collecting no money for a week and a half and will be instead spending gobs of money to relocate cities and resume my paid endeavors on july 3 in said new city which is great because i love it there and i've worked at this firm before so i know (and really like) the people and the work they do which will be great because this chapter of my life has been getting quite full recently and its time to turn the page and let the creative lines flow once again.
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an open invitation to anyone who wants to come visit. you'll have a place to stay (of course) and someone to show you around (of course).
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goodbye dayton. it's been quite a journey hasn't it? we're still friends and i'll still come and visit. you are my childhood hometown.
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hello seattle. i think we've met before. what's new in the past three years since we last talked? don't worry about writing, we'll talk in person in three weeks. ++

ANOTHER YEAR ANOTHER MOVE

++ ANOTHER YEAR ANOTHER MOVE
it's almost as though i haven't left the college life. (except of course i have. thank goodness.) (well wait, i liked college. after six years i think i finally got it my sixth year. maybe becau....wait, that's not what this post was supposed to be about. i'm out of college. it should be left at that.) (thank goodness.) (sort of.)

i'm packing up. moving on. .. across the river .. not the big river .. just the miami river. not out of ohio yet. hell, not even out of dayton yet.
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yet.
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just waiting for the right time.
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'temporarily' and by temporarily i mean at least for another year until my new lease runs out i'm at the hawthorne school apartments. it's this old 1886 school, which got renovated 8 years (ironically by my office) into apartment units. still have the wood floors. still have the old school hanging lights. still have the stamped tin ceiling. still doesn't have an elevator. grr. in a historic neighborhood. the second oldest in dayton. i'm no further (or closer) to work than when i lived in the cannery. i get to cross a river and a bridge everyday on my way to work. i'll get to see the sun rise over the river. that's sort of exciting. it's a two bedroom. my unemployed roommate gets to play 'couch guy' for a while .. except in his own bedroom and not on a couch. it's just 'temporary'. i swear. cross my fingers.
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just waiting for the right time....... ++

OVERWHELMING

++ OVERWHELMING
i am officially the project manager of the largest project we have in the office.* it's by square foot the largest project in the office.
it's also by revenue the largest project in the office.
(it's also the most convoluted in regard to scope of work and contracts.)
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* = (this project is essentially completed. there are two and a half months left until project completion. the project is in construction administration. all major decisions have been made. in all reality, everything that is left would work itself out regardless of whether i made any additional decisions or not. essentially i have to make an effort to screw it up. however, i've messed things up before, so it's not copmletely out of the question.) (but still, i'm the 'point man' for the project.)
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how scary is that?

THE WORLD IS SPINNING

++ THE WORLD IS SPINNING

so much has happenned in just the past couple of months, even more so in the past couple of weeks.
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do you ever get that sense that things are going to fast and you don't have enough time to process it all?
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you start to make sense of what's going on, then you have to go to sleep or you have to go to work or time just moves and all of a sudden it's time. time to do something. whatever. it's just time and there is no time to think about it anymore. the things that aren't happenning to you will somehow in some aspect influence you or have some sort of affect on you. it's overwhelming. make you feel small again. not insecure. just unstable. like going on one of those playground spinny things that everyone did when they were small and holding onto the end while your friends spin it around as fast as they possibly can. you hold on. at first you focus on just one thing and try to hold that focus for as long as possible until you have to turn your head. you whip your head around to the right and immediately try to refocus on that one object. a tree. a car. your friend's face. some in the distance. anything to prolong the inevitable unstableness you know will occur when you get off. your friends tire of running or pushing the hunk of metal. or you jump off, not being able to take any more. you lie in the grass. look up. the white cloud posted just to the left of the midday sun. it starts to turn arond clockwise. you close your eyes momentarily hoping for it to stop. open eyes. turning. long blink. open eyes. it's back where it should be, but starting to turn again. eyes closed. you feel your body turn to the right. except you're laying on the ground. wait then, the ground must be moving to the left. impossible. you stand. open your eyes. everything feels as though it's leaning to the right. focus. 30 seonds go by. everything starts to slow down. you can think about anything .. again .. now that the world has stopped spinning. your head is a little hazy. as if you've just been the witness of the spaceship exploding. did you just see that? did that really happen? are you serious? dumbstruck. but not dumbstruck, you know what just happened. you saw it with your own eyes. they instantaneously replayed it over and over and over and over. its real. are you serious? now what? what happens next? your mind blanks. deep breath. grass. summer heat. friends talking. spinny thing behind you. thirsty. queesy stomach.
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now what?
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