I'M TORN BETWEEN

++I'M TORN BETWEEN whether i should be wanting to grow up and buy a house and get all settled and and put money away for my future retirement and save money and 'grow up' or if i should be sticking with the "i'm still young and free" thing and do whatever i want and turn my head from the responsibilities of being an adult. some days i lean to the i'm 26, almost 27 and its time to think further ahead in terms of years and other days i can plan for no further than what i'm going to wear when i finally drag myself out from underneath the covers. i don't know what to do. and then to top it all off, i think of how ridiculously all of it is. i was listening to the news the other day and they were talking about moving the nuclear clock to '5 minutes til midnight' for the symbolic time we blow ourselves up. i heard china is blowing up satellites just for fun at 500+ miles above earth. it seems like the white house is playing this game of Risk, you know with the dice and the little men. i don't know. i just all of sudden feel so small and insignificant. i know i'm never going to be einstein or edison or franklin or anybody who will make a "significant" move to change the course of human history. so what's the point in anything i do? yeah, i know there is this whole idealized butterfly effect where one thing i do alters the events of others which alters the effects of others and so on and so forth, but if everyone is making all of these minute butterfly decisions, does it really matter if one butterfly doesn't flap their wings? i mean it's all changing anyway. what's one to the other? it's all the same anyway.

then again i digress, life's too short to think about stuff like this right? just go live your life and everything will be alright. enjoy it. live it. and whatever happens, happens, right? in the end none of it ever really matters in the whole realm of things, so just do whatever you do and don't worry about it. so what if i'm not edison or einstein or franklin. i wouldn't want to be them anyway. i'd have too much to think about...++

NEW BAT LOOK

++ NEW BAT LOOK, old bat content. Added link to ~ Citizen Plain ~, Just your average blog about your average girl. ++

TURN THE PAGE

++ TURN THE PAGE...it's almost midnight and sleep approaches. what just happenned? did that really happen? don't go. don't fall asleep. wait, what if i do? will it mean it didn't happen and that all will be the same tomorrow? i doubt it. it's real, right? that. that event. it happenned. it's double digits. my mind is weary. it's late. i don't want to go to sleep. but i don't know what to type. i sit staring at the keyboard. fingers on keys, but unable to to come up with words to say. receipts in front of me of purchases made from previous days. they mean nothing. their past events with recorded histories. the screen shows proof of things i've just typed. i don't look at the screen. only glancing to make sure i spell correctly. it's lonely here. the cliche deafening silence, except for the whirl of the computer. a constant. one of the few in my life right now. that is until the power goes out. death and taxes. i suppose those are the other two constants. a pause. speechless, but no one to talk to anyway, so it doesn't much matter. i'd be talking to the screen which only recites back to me what i've told it. nothing really. just the past. a recorded history. ++

WHY DOES LIFE...

++ WHY DOES LIFE throw such obstacles and hurdles at us? Is it not enough to have to try to live your own life? It would seem that everything we do affects someone else whether mean for it to or not. Actions and words speak louder than we even know...sometimes it hurts...more than we even know.++

HAS IT REALLY BEEN THIS LONG?

++ HAS IT REALLY been this long since I last posted? hm. yeah i guess that sounds about right. and what did i post about last time? that's right. another year ... and another move. this one is however a move of a larger capacity, a larger magnitude if you will. i'll give you the whole story of the past eight months in one long run on sentance / paragraph. i moved from the cannery to the hawthorne school apartments where i reside with the same roommate that i had at the cannery however it was cheaper to live here and just as great (if not better) of a place so we moved here where i still ride my bike to work every morning and only drive my car to play soccer which has since moved from indoor three times a week to outdoor just one time a week which is a nice break from work which has been ridiculously fun, but at the same time consuming as we have a lot of work but not enough qualified people, not to say they aren't qualified to do what they do, because they do do what they do very well its just that they don't have as much experience as they would need to do what they do better or to do more than what they do now which is fine because that creates more work for me which is also fine except that i've been involved with several professional organizations which take up the rest of my time after work but thats fine also because its nice to be busy, however it looks like, no wait, i'm positive i'm going to have a mini vacation in the form of driving across country (yet again) because as of yesterday i put in my notice to leave my present job because the day before that i accepted a job in seattle, washington, so as of june 22 i will be temporarily collecting no money for a week and a half and will be instead spending gobs of money to relocate cities and resume my paid endeavors on july 3 in said new city which is great because i love it there and i've worked at this firm before so i know (and really like) the people and the work they do which will be great because this chapter of my life has been getting quite full recently and its time to turn the page and let the creative lines flow once again.
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an open invitation to anyone who wants to come visit. you'll have a place to stay (of course) and someone to show you around (of course).
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goodbye dayton. it's been quite a journey hasn't it? we're still friends and i'll still come and visit. you are my childhood hometown.
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hello seattle. i think we've met before. what's new in the past three years since we last talked? don't worry about writing, we'll talk in person in three weeks. ++