I'M TORN BETWEEN

++I'M TORN BETWEEN whether i should be wanting to grow up and buy a house and get all settled and and put money away for my future retirement and save money and 'grow up' or if i should be sticking with the "i'm still young and free" thing and do whatever i want and turn my head from the responsibilities of being an adult. some days i lean to the i'm 26, almost 27 and its time to think further ahead in terms of years and other days i can plan for no further than what i'm going to wear when i finally drag myself out from underneath the covers. i don't know what to do. and then to top it all off, i think of how ridiculously all of it is. i was listening to the news the other day and they were talking about moving the nuclear clock to '5 minutes til midnight' for the symbolic time we blow ourselves up. i heard china is blowing up satellites just for fun at 500+ miles above earth. it seems like the white house is playing this game of Risk, you know with the dice and the little men. i don't know. i just all of sudden feel so small and insignificant. i know i'm never going to be einstein or edison or franklin or anybody who will make a "significant" move to change the course of human history. so what's the point in anything i do? yeah, i know there is this whole idealized butterfly effect where one thing i do alters the events of others which alters the effects of others and so on and so forth, but if everyone is making all of these minute butterfly decisions, does it really matter if one butterfly doesn't flap their wings? i mean it's all changing anyway. what's one to the other? it's all the same anyway.

then again i digress, life's too short to think about stuff like this right? just go live your life and everything will be alright. enjoy it. live it. and whatever happens, happens, right? in the end none of it ever really matters in the whole realm of things, so just do whatever you do and don't worry about it. so what if i'm not edison or einstein or franklin. i wouldn't want to be them anyway. i'd have too much to think about...++

NEW BAT LOOK

++ NEW BAT LOOK, old bat content. Added link to ~ Citizen Plain ~, Just your average blog about your average girl. ++

TURN THE PAGE

++ TURN THE PAGE...it's almost midnight and sleep approaches. what just happenned? did that really happen? don't go. don't fall asleep. wait, what if i do? will it mean it didn't happen and that all will be the same tomorrow? i doubt it. it's real, right? that. that event. it happenned. it's double digits. my mind is weary. it's late. i don't want to go to sleep. but i don't know what to type. i sit staring at the keyboard. fingers on keys, but unable to to come up with words to say. receipts in front of me of purchases made from previous days. they mean nothing. their past events with recorded histories. the screen shows proof of things i've just typed. i don't look at the screen. only glancing to make sure i spell correctly. it's lonely here. the cliche deafening silence, except for the whirl of the computer. a constant. one of the few in my life right now. that is until the power goes out. death and taxes. i suppose those are the other two constants. a pause. speechless, but no one to talk to anyway, so it doesn't much matter. i'd be talking to the screen which only recites back to me what i've told it. nothing really. just the past. a recorded history. ++