++ ANOTHER YEAR ANOTHER MOVE
it's almost as though i haven't left the college life. (except of course i have. thank goodness.) (well wait, i liked college. after six years i think i finally got it my sixth year. maybe becau....wait, that's not what this post was supposed to be about. i'm out of college. it should be left at that.) (thank goodness.) (sort of.)
i'm packing up. moving on. .. across the river .. not the big river .. just the miami river. not out of ohio yet. hell, not even out of dayton yet.
.
yet.
.
just waiting for the right time.
.
'temporarily' and by temporarily i mean at least for another year until my new lease runs out i'm at the hawthorne school apartments. it's this old 1886 school, which got renovated 8 years (ironically by my office) into apartment units. still have the wood floors. still have the old school hanging lights. still have the stamped tin ceiling. still doesn't have an elevator. grr. in a historic neighborhood. the second oldest in dayton. i'm no further (or closer) to work than when i lived in the cannery. i get to cross a river and a bridge everyday on my way to work. i'll get to see the sun rise over the river. that's sort of exciting. it's a two bedroom. my unemployed roommate gets to play 'couch guy' for a while .. except in his own bedroom and not on a couch. it's just 'temporary'. i swear. cross my fingers.
.
just waiting for the right time....... ++
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Monday, October 24, 2005
OVERWHELMING
++ OVERWHELMING
i am officially the project manager of the largest project we have in the office.* it's by square foot the largest project in the office.
it's also by revenue the largest project in the office.
(it's also the most convoluted in regard to scope of work and contracts.)
.
.
.
* = (this project is essentially completed. there are two and a half months left until project completion. the project is in construction administration. all major decisions have been made. in all reality, everything that is left would work itself out regardless of whether i made any additional decisions or not. essentially i have to make an effort to screw it up. however, i've messed things up before, so it's not copmletely out of the question.) (but still, i'm the 'point man' for the project.)
.
.
.
how scary is that?
i am officially the project manager of the largest project we have in the office.* it's by square foot the largest project in the office.
it's also by revenue the largest project in the office.
(it's also the most convoluted in regard to scope of work and contracts.)
.
.
.
* = (this project is essentially completed. there are two and a half months left until project completion. the project is in construction administration. all major decisions have been made. in all reality, everything that is left would work itself out regardless of whether i made any additional decisions or not. essentially i have to make an effort to screw it up. however, i've messed things up before, so it's not copmletely out of the question.) (but still, i'm the 'point man' for the project.)
.
.
.
how scary is that?
Sunday, October 23, 2005
THE WORLD IS SPINNING
++ THE WORLD IS SPINNING
so much has happenned in just the past couple of months, even more so in the past couple of weeks.
.
do you ever get that sense that things are going to fast and you don't have enough time to process it all?
.
you start to make sense of what's going on, then you have to go to sleep or you have to go to work or time just moves and all of a sudden it's time. time to do something. whatever. it's just time and there is no time to think about it anymore. the things that aren't happenning to you will somehow in some aspect influence you or have some sort of affect on you. it's overwhelming. make you feel small again. not insecure. just unstable. like going on one of those playground spinny things that everyone did when they were small and holding onto the end while your friends spin it around as fast as they possibly can. you hold on. at first you focus on just one thing and try to hold that focus for as long as possible until you have to turn your head. you whip your head around to the right and immediately try to refocus on that one object. a tree. a car. your friend's face. some in the distance. anything to prolong the inevitable unstableness you know will occur when you get off. your friends tire of running or pushing the hunk of metal. or you jump off, not being able to take any more. you lie in the grass. look up. the white cloud posted just to the left of the midday sun. it starts to turn arond clockwise. you close your eyes momentarily hoping for it to stop. open eyes. turning. long blink. open eyes. it's back where it should be, but starting to turn again. eyes closed. you feel your body turn to the right. except you're laying on the ground. wait then, the ground must be moving to the left. impossible. you stand. open your eyes. everything feels as though it's leaning to the right. focus. 30 seonds go by. everything starts to slow down. you can think about anything .. again .. now that the world has stopped spinning. your head is a little hazy. as if you've just been the witness of the spaceship exploding. did you just see that? did that really happen? are you serious? dumbstruck. but not dumbstruck, you know what just happened. you saw it with your own eyes. they instantaneously replayed it over and over and over and over. its real. are you serious? now what? what happens next? your mind blanks. deep breath. grass. summer heat. friends talking. spinny thing behind you. thirsty. queesy stomach.
.
now what?
.
.
.
++
so much has happenned in just the past couple of months, even more so in the past couple of weeks.
.
do you ever get that sense that things are going to fast and you don't have enough time to process it all?
.
you start to make sense of what's going on, then you have to go to sleep or you have to go to work or time just moves and all of a sudden it's time. time to do something. whatever. it's just time and there is no time to think about it anymore. the things that aren't happenning to you will somehow in some aspect influence you or have some sort of affect on you. it's overwhelming. make you feel small again. not insecure. just unstable. like going on one of those playground spinny things that everyone did when they were small and holding onto the end while your friends spin it around as fast as they possibly can. you hold on. at first you focus on just one thing and try to hold that focus for as long as possible until you have to turn your head. you whip your head around to the right and immediately try to refocus on that one object. a tree. a car. your friend's face. some in the distance. anything to prolong the inevitable unstableness you know will occur when you get off. your friends tire of running or pushing the hunk of metal. or you jump off, not being able to take any more. you lie in the grass. look up. the white cloud posted just to the left of the midday sun. it starts to turn arond clockwise. you close your eyes momentarily hoping for it to stop. open eyes. turning. long blink. open eyes. it's back where it should be, but starting to turn again. eyes closed. you feel your body turn to the right. except you're laying on the ground. wait then, the ground must be moving to the left. impossible. you stand. open your eyes. everything feels as though it's leaning to the right. focus. 30 seonds go by. everything starts to slow down. you can think about anything .. again .. now that the world has stopped spinning. your head is a little hazy. as if you've just been the witness of the spaceship exploding. did you just see that? did that really happen? are you serious? dumbstruck. but not dumbstruck, you know what just happened. you saw it with your own eyes. they instantaneously replayed it over and over and over and over. its real. are you serious? now what? what happens next? your mind blanks. deep breath. grass. summer heat. friends talking. spinny thing behind you. thirsty. queesy stomach.
.
now what?
.
.
.
++
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