IGUANA VS. ANTS

++ IGUANA VS. ANTS:

6.25PM
Matt: i'm thinking of getting a iguana
Matt: i'm looking up info on them
Jay: why?
Jay: why an iguana?
Matt: cause it would be cool
Matt: dogs are too expensive
Matt: i could also move an iguana easier
Jay: yeah, but they are so much cooler
Matt: i know
Jay: you gonna take your iguana out for a walk?
Matt: you can play with iguana's
Jay: really?
Matt: i could
Jay: does it fetch stuff for you?
Matt: i could walk it to class
Matt: it eats stuff
Matt: it has big claws
Matt: i could bring it too class and leave it on your desk
Jay: i'd hit it with big red
Matt: i don't know, i want a dog, but i can't get one right now
Jay: a cat?
Matt: i might start out smaller tho, and work up to an igauna
Jay: start smaller? like an ant farm?
Matt: no, i've had a cat when i was littlier
Matt: like a small reptile
Jay: a turtle?
Matt: i brougth down my old fist tank
Matt: no, like a 4-6 inch one
Matt: i don't really know what yet
Jay: that makes for a big ant farm
Matt: if i got an iguana i would have to get a bigger tank
Matt: hey, at the zoo, the ant farm thing is pretty cool
Matt: watching them work and stuff
Jay: i think its cool too
Jay: much cooler than an iguana
Jay: what do you feed ants?
Matt: i could feed the ants to my iguana
Matt: leaves
Jay: really?
Matt: i guess
Jay: thats it?
Matt: bread crumbs
Jay: seems like you should throw your iguana in there
Jay: show down
Matt: i wonder who would win
Jay: extreme animal showdown
Jay: seems like the iguana would eat the ants
Jay: just for fun
Matt: yea, but how many ants we talking
Jay: zoo size
Matt: are they angry ants
Jay: of course
Matt: do they have lasers on their backs
Jay: all ants have to be angry. make up for their lack of size
Jay: yes. every one of them
Matt: oh then i have to go with the ants
Jay: but the lazers don't do much.
Jay: the lazers are like a pinch
Matt: what if they made an ant fortress
Matt: combined with the lasers
Matt: that might work then
Jay: yeah, but the iguana can hide behind whatever is in there and use its tongue to attack around corners
Matt: true
Matt: but what if there is nothing to hide behind
Jay: plus just for fun it could step on the ants
Matt: what about flying ants
Jay: what if the iguana decided to pay down and roll back and forth on its back
Matt: you forgot about those
Jay: no flying ants. what do you think it is, the army?
Matt: too bad we dont' have swimming ants
Jay: those would be cool
Jay: the navy ants
Matt: it could be an all out assualt of flying, swimming, and land attacking ants with lasers on their backs
Matt: i don't the iguana would have much of chance then
Jay: yes. but no swimming ants
Matt: good thing there are no swimming ants
Jay: just a few flying ones. they cost too much.
Matt: or the iguana would be toast
Jay: they are going to have to discontinue the flying ants in order to continue to fund the war
Matt: what if they got beetles in on the act
Matt: these ants needs allies
Jay: this is extreme animal showdown. not extreme animal and ally showdown
Jay: you want that. change the channel.
Matt: i don't think iguana's are this bad ass that they need the whole force of the insect kingdom to attack them
Matt: alright
Matt: so normal ants versus iguana
Jay: normal iguana
Jay: i'll even give you lots of ants
Jay: and not just one
Matt: cool
Matt: what about red ants
Matt: those guys are nasty
Jay: as many ants as it would take to equal the mass of an iguana
Matt: oh jesus
Jay: red ants. black ants. i'm not racist.
Matt: red ants are mean
Jay: so are the iguanas if ants attack it
Matt: true
Matt: but a number equal to the mass of the iguana
Matt: that is a lot of ants
Jay: you gotta try to make it fair
Matt: i don't think the iguana could fend off that many ants
Jay: are all the ants attacking at once?
Matt: i don't know, ants are stupid
Matt: they might not attack at all
Matt: and just get eaten
Jay: its possible we could put them both in the tank and they would both just eat the lettuce
Matt: that would be the funniest death match ever
Jay: wouldn't be much of a death match. we'd have to turn it into extreme animal lettuce eating contest
Matt: then who eats the lettuce first
Matt: i go with the iguana
Matt: still
Jay: definately iguana
Jay: assuming it knows its racing
Jay: and it has to be hungry
Matt: man, there are so many variables
Jay: if its not hungry. i go with the ants.
Matt: what if the ants aren't hungry
Jay: if every ant took one bite, it could win first bite.
Matt: true
Jay: then it turns into the extreme animal staring contest.
Matt: i don't know if i would watch that channel anymore
Matt: what if you were shrunk down and had to go against the iguana
Jay: what if they stared at each other but whoever lost was fed to the hungry bear, which is waiting in the next tank
Jay: how tall am i?
Jay: do i have a weapon?
Jay: is the iguana a male or female?
Matt: the hungry bear,.... what if the winner of that was fed to the whale in the next tank
Jay: old? young?
Jay: that is one hell of a tank
Matt: what is the spread on all this fighting
Jay: 2:1 on the smaller creature
Jay: unless its neon green, in which case its 3:1
Matt: man if the ants win, this may turn out to be a cinderella story
Matt: ants beat iguana... ants beat bear... and ants versus whale in the final
Jay: yeah that whale is quite the number 1 seed
Jay: four years undefeated
Matt: no kidding
Jay: last year i was pulling for the antelope
Matt: that ocean is a good program
Jay: stupid antelope got pummelled by the toad
Matt: i was out of the tourney cause of that one
Jay: its a good thing the whale beat toad.
Matt: it was close tho
Matt: you have to admit
Jay: yeah it was.
Jay: down to the last bite.
Jay: whale had a whole year to recuperate and grow back its tail fin
Jay: it hasn't so i think it may lose second round to the starfish
Jay: the marine bracket is always a tough one.
Matt: those starfish, they grow there legs back too fast
Jay: i know. its ridiculous. i heard they were under investigation for cheating and illegal recruitment.
Jay: if they are guilty its at least a 3 year suspension of their program
Jay: which would be enough time for whale to grow back its tail or find a suitable replacement.
Matt: or for the tadpoles to become toads
Jay: oh yeah. very true.
Jay: yeah i wouldn't count them out yet
Matt: what about the sky league
Matt: any chance for them this season
Jay: i don't think so. they are always limited in the tank.
Jay: not enough room to fly. no angle of attack
Matt: see now we have a case of playing of nuetral court
Matt: that must be why the sky league always loses
Matt: they have to play in the hometown tank of the marine league
Jay: well they still haven't contested the rules yet.
Jay: i mean if you never petition for unfair play or rules, of course you're never going to get a neutral site.
Matt: i think the wise owl is working on that
Matt: i'm mean what else are these animals thinking about out there
Jay: girls.
Jay: obviously
Jay: boys for some
Matt: its not food... it the death match tourney every year
Jay: what else are they gonna do?
Jay: go work in an office cubicle?
Jay: not a chance. its either eat sleep or screw.
Matt: that animal is stupid
Matt: so are you bringing the ants to this competition
Jay: no. i'm gonna stick with the iguana this year
Jay: blends in nicely with the background.
Jay: who are you bringing?
Matt: probably the bear
Jay: you gonna bring your penguin again like last year?
Jay: your pet did well against the zebra. scared it to death if i remember right.
Matt: that's always a tactic
Matt: no one every stipulated that you had to physically kill the other animal
Matt: scare tactics are fine
Matt: too
Jay: i called bullshit. but that was denied
Jay: at least its in writing this year
Matt: the owl is working on those rules too
Jay: about time
Jay: stupid owl.
Matt: i think we might have another reality show on our hands
Matt: we should talk to fox
Jay: already did
Jay: your bear is going down
Matt: lets just make sure your iguana doesn't cheat this year
Matt: later
7.10PM ++